China. I am back in the zhong. The center land. Meddling in the old new mix. And it makes sense. I’ve always tried to steer a middle course. To walk that symmetrically sublime line of the Tao. Balance.
I love it here in Guangzhou. I have settled into Tom’s flat here in Panyu, a super suburb outside of the city, and will get my own apartment soon enough. He’s a good Aussie bloke who enjoys “good sport and a cold brew” as according to his gzstuff.com profile. That’s kind of like a localized version of facebook. I hit up the fine (pre-greenmagic-op) Fionas there. They hit me back. I give hickies to her right before she has to go to a family dinner where when prompted to take off her scarf, she explains to her family that she got into a fight. She gives me a hickie right back and when I brag to Tom he laughs it off.
Now let me tell you about my new digs. On a good day, it’s just barely smoggier then Los Angeles so my lungs don’t miss a beat. Guangzhou is known to be the AIDS and avian flu capital of the country. I know, I know. No sex with the prosties (anymore) and enough of my mad scientist experiments where I keep local flocks in my living quarters splicing their genes with those of Kobe Bryant and Olivia Munn in order to create a super breed of HomAvi Paragons. Yeah, Mr. Dictionary, I’m flipping you the birds! Got a whole colony of them. And definitely no mooshoo with the failed streetfliers. Oh yeah, I remember watching how they treated me. At first it’s, “Your pecker so big! Not like Chinamen. Me love you long time.” And I don’t care if she may have a heart of gold, that aging bird still charges $60 US for a 5 minute lap dance! It’s all feed to you all. Is there any coincidence that in order to rewin your heart, I have to go on a millionaire-making game show? Nah, I know your game: Handegg. Who do you think gave those Cardinals their extra umph?
But anyways…I get around pretty easy around here. (The double doobley) My mouth will politely say to most people here, “Ni hui shuo yingwen ma?” while inside I’m bellowing, “English, Muthafucka! Do you speak it?!”
I’ve decided that I’ll be here for a year. In that time, I plan to study the language, write more, prepare both of my types of lesson plans, and “get around to writing that novel.” Stewie knows what I’m talking about. I’m glad most other natives don’t. “That’s how I like my women: understanding only ten percent of what I say.” I like saying whatever I feel like to any one (including the boss) now as long as I say it quick and with my stylized sense of slang. When they ask me, “what is your meaning?” I make my explained definition much more or less appropriate.
I secured my kindergarten teaching gig. I can tell I am going to like this job. I may have to work six days a week, but it will be worth it. I’ve already tried my hand at the short teaching bursts of repetition dictation, silly games, and old school song and dance. Plus, it’s good to work alongside these pretty, flawless skin possessing, pure beauty Chinese ladies. Yeah, I see them slant their eyes towards my direction. I love these fuckin’ Chinks. They love me back too. So much so that this naked one didn’t want to face the naked reality. “I can’t stand too realistic. I’m Chinese” She already had our plans set to create an English school together and wanted me to take part in a fake marriage with her in order to get her ticket to the good life. I had to wake her up, literally and figuratively, to tell her, “Alright, get the fuck out, catch the bus by yourself, and I’ll text you on Friday for apartment hunting.” Assholing is so much more efficient (a lesson learned from the most recent 007) and makes both parties happier on both sides in the long run.
With my insurance money coming in pretty soon, I was thinking about taking this semester off and living off the fat of my deceased Blue Thunder in order to dedicate my time to my new best friend, Mrs. Rosetta Stone. But I remembered, we are what we do and I don’t do nothing. I am a true laoshi. The physical reality and my mental maya-less REALity are merging. I thank God for that. I still am working on my mental musings and the clarity of my mind. I thank meditation for that.
Finally, I feel so much freer in this “communist” society. I don’t know if it’s the Homer-cited rudimentary free markets I see competing with each other or just the financial flexibility I possess. I go anywhere, do anything, eat anything (except talons) and buy any still in theater DVD I want for less than a buck.
Balance. These years are going to be full of grand adventures and true life-living. Gone are the days full of traffic, windowless paperwork, and working towards the end of the week. My Wednesdays and Thursdays are looking pretty good. I may not have the new high tech luxuries of home, but I’ve got the restriction gift of only two English tv channels. Ye olde middel. China.