Saturday, March 28, 2009

学校, Fiona, Gold, and a Cowboy

Due to popular demand and because of recent met qualifications, (hey, the process is rough, but nothing but the best) I present to you the most flattering picture of my girlfriend Fiona.

I know. A raincoat. Kinda funny since usually I'm the one wearing those. Can he be more subtle, rhetorical, pattern-destructive, or third-person-perspectiveish? Do you know if 爱龙 knows?

She is great. No metaphor for that. I applaud her for her insight. Smartest girl I've been with. Keen is the word. She also has certain adventure qualities I mirror. Bus rides are the exploding bomb with her!

Although, still, she is foolish enough to wear high heels. Secretly, I think she's a genious for getting me to give her that piggy back ride. Under-secretly, I like it. Her honesty sun casts a shadow, but I think that's more of a cultural thing than anything. I get over it and into it.

Life is awesome. "Awe, like, awe, whoa, wow, and some like in can I have some candy?" I instruct.

Teaching is the best. I am making an actual contribution to world society. I also get free dinners and hugs from kids who call me uncle. There may be the occasional nut shot but the scores of high fives make up for it. High fives and stickers are essential for the small ones.

The days keep getting better and better. I have everything I need here. Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity. Thoreau would be proud and possible angry about the plagiarism, but what's he gonna do? Tell this government? Ha! Their loyalty is only to the RED!

Although, that red I am misdirectly referring to is on the 100 元 Mao bill. I see it. That's China's new religion.

That and mopping.

They always mop! Mop 这里, mop 那里。I asked why the kids have to mop so much even though ten seconds later, it is just as muddy. "It gives them something to do." Makes sense. I saw an old lady with her official straw hat and orange deflectors on the highway sweeping up. So ineffective, I thought. But then, what else could she do to feed her self.

I realize that I am extremely more privileged than most people. I can order these above leftovers any time I want. I have the financial resources and arrogant insight to prepare. I try to tell others about the future and what is coming, but they don't budge. Buy into the lie that this is simply a regular recession. Revolution be a brewing, I say. That's why I've finally practiced what I preached and put my savings into these three little golden boxes.

GOOOOOOOLD. It will be sooooooo.

We gotta get on it because I'm telling you, they're coming for us. This guy's already ahead of the game.

But I worry not. I take notes and coast.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Calling All Jobless and Boringplus

My teacher told me to tell my eager and awaiting American friends that they should apply for a teaching job here in the city of Guangzhou, China come September time. That's right, you too can become a much valued 老师 (lao shi(teacher)) here just like me. It doesn't matter if you know every correct tone of all these characters or if you're just right now learning "hello." It's ni3 hao3. Pronounced "knee how." You'll get it. Trust.

Here's the deal:

You probably will work five days a week. Two of those days are full days where you have to work the morning and evening classes. The other three days are simply half days and can go home after 12. You have to plan your lessons, but that takes a solid 4.2153 minutes per lesson.

You will teach all of the classes in English and you have at least one Chinese teacher to assist you at all times. They are great.

You get to play with little babies, shamelessly sing (O Raine, you smell what I'm stepping in!) to elementary young 'uns, and inform the disillusioned junior highers that America isn't all it's cracked up to be.

With no prior teaching experience, you will probably start off with a salary of 7,000 yuan per month. That dashboard calculates to $1,022.585. You will live like a king, queen, or drag queen if that's your thing with this money. To give you a sense of what this means in this central land, I have a legit three bedroom apartment here complete with all of the amenities in which I pay the equivalent of $250 US a month. You'll eat well and do lots of things.

I am playing so much more basketball here. Every kid here loves it and the only Commi mental restrictions they put on you is that you must be willing to agree to Yao Ming's awesomeness.

You'll be well on your way to learning the language of the next superpower. It's definitely going to come in handy in our lifetime. The prophetical Firefly and real has convinced me so.

The reason why I'm selling this is because I was pretty unhappy with my office job back in the states. I did make more money, but it was so boring. I was so unhappy with it. Luckily, I have a second cousin here in Guangzhou who is doing exactly what I am doing now. He helped me get myself all set up and I will do the same for you, o random facebook friend. You are welcome to chill at my pad until you get your bearings and footing set in. If you've got any more questions or affirmations, message or wall post me up. You down?

Sunday, March 1, 2009


I have been doing everything I can to improve myself here. It's discipline.

Every action has a purpose. Every body and mind movement is necessary to shoot the arrow from the bow. Every minute is utilized to achieve maximum efficiency. I study my old Chinese book while riding on the bus to my schools in the city. When I get tired, I put on an audiobook to focus on. Focusing or focusing on non-focusing is my methodos. Being not aware is the void.

I now strictly take cold showers.
I've started to do so because the hot water only stays on for a minute before I have to restart it. Also, I've been researching that it's more healthy for an individual for many reasons. It increases the circulation between all parts of your body because it puts the blood flow circulation on double time. It also closes up your pores to allow for clearer skin. It also makes your hair healthier because it contracts the scalp so your hair particles have a more firm grip. Not scientific-sounding, I know, but more often, this way makes more sense. Dirt and oils don't make it to the cuticle crevices. It doesn't bother me as much because I usually work out before I take my showers so it's more of a refreshing cool down. Plus, that moment of the first liquid 冰 is most zen.

I eat almonds and some orange juice before I go to bed. Paramahansa Yogananda suggests so.
I've been rereading a chapter of his Man's Eternal Quest every random moment and highlighting like a madman. So much valuable information and insight! I gain! In all things, I gain! It makes me think how much more valuable this information is knowing that I will share it with my people both in my memoir writings and to my clairaudience members once I return home. It makes me look forward to another baseball game.

I read so much more since the TV is confined to my select downloadable programs on these commercial-less trustworthy torrents.
I am reading 1421: The Year China Discovered America (title-explained) and one of my old textbooks, The Modern World which has famous essays and articles from all major thinkers in that time period. I still don't understand how we're postmodern or even sometimes post-post modern. Are we living in the future? Probably not. I have to keep reminding myself time doesn't exist. The Losties and Heroes are understanding this issue on a similar scale.

I meditate for a while every night before slumber time.
It is extremely difficult to think of nothing. When I silently sit, legs crossed, fingers thumbs and pointer fingers barely connected, I find myself always judging my thoughts. It's not so much in a negative way, but it won't turn off. Of course, with everything, I am getting better. When in public, I am much more capable as to keep my thoughts to myself and when I do decide to open up my channel, it is usually positive thoughts. It's amazing how people will instantly call on you when you make one slip up. I guess every one else needs to judge too. They/We feel the need to separate ourselves from one another. Create our own identity. "This is who I am because I am different than that." All of this theory is temporary.

I've been trying to go to bed at midnight, but this commitment seems to be the most difficult to keep.
I always have something to do. Even though there is usually no one here to take my mind away from my tasks, I always find something to keep me up. It could be that last youtube video about how to whistle with your fingers. It could be that I must check to see if it's my turn to move that knight. It could be that I just want to finish that movie I watch periodically throughout the day. There's always something to keep me going.

I study on my computer two hours a day.
I am devouring this language and trying to think of everything in characters. With this ease, I realize I'll definitely be fluent in two years. One of my coworkers says that I'll be proficient in six more months. We're always working together. She throws out new vocab at me and I continually correct her grammar and pronunciation. Even though it's not easy to memorize it all, I do enjoy the work. It makes me think of all the other languages I can learn. I've long ago decided that I want to be fluent in Mandarin and Spanish by the time I'm thirty, but now I have a few new goals. After those two languages are wrapped up, I want to get some Arabic under my belt. I really liked the Egyptians' style when I visited there. After I visit the Mayans, I think I will add the Egyptians' culture to my ancient themed repertoire. I've also been contemplating the uses of French (for Africa) and Russian (for their reemergence as a superpower in the future) for my lifetime.

I've been going through a strict work out regimentation.
I either run and do my pullups around the lake or variations of push ups and situps almost every day. UP! A sound mind in a sound body. Always pushing. Just a little more. "Hold it till you can't." Then drop down, wait a few seconds, go back up and hold it some more.

I stretch every night.
It's almost like yoga but I don't know any of the particular moves. It feels really good to do these amazing things to my body. This bag of brownness is quite an amazing vehicle. I want to fix my sinuses so I can breathe one hundred percent clearly. I want to make my elbows stop cracking every time I bend them. I want to align my back perfectly so I don't feel that slight stress on the left side. I want fluidness.

I signed up for a taichi class.
I was hoping for some actual kung fu, fighting lessons, but this is the real deal. It's a different style than what I'm used to. I've been playing basketball here and doing everything in my life that I didn't have time to back in California. There's still that working walking bustle almost every day of the week, but it is compensated by the free-free time. Time to just think. Of course thinking is just culminating and plagiarizing every experience you've had into making a version of this reality that applies to you. Most are ice in this ocean of interconnectivity. I am trying to become the water. To go where normal icies can't yet reach. This evolution is amazing. What's next? Nothing to do, except steam on ahead.

I've been listening to Outliers and Gladwell says that in order to achieve full mastery, one has to invest 10,000 hours in that activity.
This is party why I've gotten down to actually writing again. I have been exercising my mind in it's reactive state for a long time and now I want to practice more by placing myself in the arena of creation.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

A Facebook 25 Copy and Paste Operation

1. My family is the most important aspect of my life. I love them immensely. I am trying to expand my storge into a universal platonic eros for all others.

2. On the yin side of my inner Tao, I am Batman in the most symbolic sense.

3. I plan to be fluent in both Mandarin and Spanish by the time I am thirty.

4. I am currently living in a suburb city in southern China. I am much more happier here in this traffic-free, full of fried rice and flawless-faced fuyen zone.

5. I have traveled to thirteen different countries. The Egyptian pyramids are legit, Thailand stripperss can accurately shoot darts out of their snatches, and don’t trust a man named Mustafa in Morocco to give you marijuana. He will take you into his home, be a cordial gentleman, and then gyp you with oregano.

6. I am extremely interested in the other dimensions. If space is infinite, then time is probably infinite as well. If so, then that means that there are an infinite amount of instances currently occurring that are completely different than our current existence as well as another universe being the exact same minus particle two. Watch this:
This shit’ll make your brain shittle.

7. A good chunk of random people believe(d) I was/am the next Jesus tittyfuckin’ Christ. It’s been an intense past eight months. I just inaudibly explain to them that we’re all capable of achieving this Christ Consciousness as long as we acknowledge our Jung’s shadowy anima and rise above it with our positive actions.

8. I really enjoyed my time on the cruise ship, the MV Explorer, but I regret not making more real connections with certain people and still not letting go to reveal my true self. I now realize that it was one of my final catalysts to bust me out of my final boy phase.

9. I am addicted to the internets (digg, reddit, youtube, facebook) and my computer so much that I removed the battery from my laptop and just use the power chord because I know it will just drain and devalue. It’s a test of patience every time the chord is accidentally knocked out of its socket.

10. I have recently begun to meditate every day. As a result, I have had the most epic dreams for the past few weeks. I keep a dream journal next to my Mickey Mouse futon.

11. I have five journals. A dream journal, a personal journal, a spiritual journal/public lesson plan, and a blog.

12. I like to freestyle rap ethic theories, philosophies, and hidden infos in my radiohead as I listen to my iPod.

13. I plan on getting a tattoo of the character 家 which each stroke being a different word in various languages or a symbol important to me.

14. This little man, my godson, is awesome. Look at that stem-celler go!

15. I over analyze everything in my writings so much that I rarely get around to publishing it on paper/screen. I’m getting better.

16. I am about to move into a three-bedroom apartment with a balcony, an extra large kitchen, an eight-chaired dining table, and a mahjong room for only the equivalent of $220 US. High class.

17. As of late, whatever I imagine in my head, whether it be a classification in language or an image of my creativity, is perceived by those with their open inner eye. Sometimes it’s cool, but mostly it’s a challenge it live with a real radiohead.

18. I strongly believe that the super secret satanic organization called the Illuminati are responsible for many global negativities going on in the world. The treasonous 9/11 event, global warming hoaxing, (although that’s a complicated issue (but what’s not? (I’ll tell you—the rules of parentheses))) and the Obama Disillusionment are a few examples. Much to their dismay, I have personally communicated with a lot of the underlings and they have opened up my eyes to a much broader and alternative view of the world. I am always happy to share my ideas and experiences although I doubt many will believe my story to be true. But to be fair, I wouldn’t concede a trust flag if the opposite said old marines were taking pictures of him at work without proof. “Prove it,” they always say. I’m on my way. It’s my main physical reality objective in life to disband this group by exposure and information.

19. I am having my people (aka my Mom) convert a third of my financial resources into gold. That will be the only real cash money soon enough.

20. The happiest and most sublimely serene moment of my life was when I sat alone on the lawn at Philmont watching the sunset right after an exhilarating game of Ultimate Frisbee. Peace-time.

21. I think that life is just a giant symphony of this Yahweh character. He’s up there (and around here) chilling in the eleventh dimension observing the tiny lifetrons vibrating to his tune.

22. I love playing (facebook) chess. Let me know if you’re up for a beatdown.

23. I’m creating plans and positions for all my homies/generals and worldly conscious friends to be enacted once I return to my beloved America to be a leader in the revolution. It’s coming sooner than you think.

24. At the moment, I am a kindergarten teacher for little Chinese kids. It’s fun and full of real-time training. Plus, I can say in my best Fat Bastard voice, “I’m gonna eat ya!” and them little niggas love it!

25. I look forward to/enjoy experiencing the next evolution of consciousness up to the year 2012 and beyond.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

The Lowdown

Let me give it to you.

you sit on the internet all day
is that why you exported to china
hell yeah, I study Chinese for four hours a day, work out, eat, take my daily walk, and internet the shit out of this computer
and watch DVDs and all TV shows i've wanted to
it's 3:45 am and I don't give a fuck
haha, yeah, I'm pretty pleased at myself. Moving here was the best decision
I am just not looking forward to February 16 when I start my 6 day work week

I also cook in the morning. And by cook, I mean, throw in all of the leftovers from last night onto a pan on top of a stove that I light with a red handled knife.

It's good to know I'm still in the minds of those at home. This is
Why I love my father. He asked me on Skype if I’ve "been doing your work outs?" I told him "yep, my pushups and situps." "300 a day?" "Almost. Four sets of 60." Good, only 60 more and you’re there." If I had been doing 300. He would bump it up to a full circle.

And I'm glad I'm keeping up with the homies back home. I have Adium (that's the 3 musketeer of chat programs so I can talk to my newly made msn mistresses) for some and facebook chess for others. I've even been keeping up the email 球。

I am really getting into the language business. Once I get my own apartment I plan on sticky noting every tangible item with its character and pronunciation. 发音 is key to pro status. I've been doing everything to have Mandarin encircling (such a great phrase, "Mandarin Encircling." That or "Buddhist Media" is going to be the name of my new band. I've always wanted a band and every one knows you gotta have the right 名字) my head at all times. I've got Mrs. Rosetta Stone, my primary 老师 always on the MacBook ready. She gets a little help from the Dragon dictionary and this online essential. My iPod is full of audio lesson podcasts which I enjoy on my half hour bus ride into the city. My iPhone takes the noodles (because, in old school abacus using times, noodles were eaten instead of the western styled cake to celebrate a person's birthday because it symbolized long life) because it holds a dictionary, a flashcard app, and even a word search.

And now the sun shall get high and I get low.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

It's Chi, Nigga

I've survived my first party here in Guangzhou. I knew it was going to be a good party before I went up the elevator because there were policeman already there and up in the room maintaining the pre-party peace.

The well stocked room was true+positive globalization at its finest. Not any of that faux EU & NAU globalization shitmaking either. There were some jovial global hoaxing spewing Kanooks, a sincere down-looking Polack, a bunch of too-polite Cunt-Eyes, yam cooking/artman Niggers, haughty or hottie Crackers, a few Ockers jabbering about, and a trio of Towelheads who helped me by inspiring me to unlock the potentials of Cydia on my iPhone.

But I've got grander mysteries to unhatch. In many ways, I feel most souly connected to the sailing, monking, soldiering, brotha. Special. In actions, I'm slowly becoming more and more like the Shepherd and my analytical mind reflects the one who notices the sunlights' disangled manifestations. But isn't that how we all are? A little bit All of everything.

I was pleased to note I was not only the only Americano, but also, the only Beaner in the room. Always at parties, and dinners, or any type of social gathering, I feel the energy and unwarranted attention be directed towards me. It's chi at its best. Or prana at its basest. Sometimes I can spread the Holy Spirit at my top heights, but too often I fall into the Dark Energy at my deepest. Now I'm not talking (well, not yet anyway) about this kind of ether that explains how the MARVEL vs. DC showdown is happening somewhere. (Trippy, huh? )

I'm talking about me being Batman. By the way, I was Batman way before being Batman was cool. 真传。 When my thoughts are on full display to all, it is tough to keep a noble mind. Try not to think of a blue elephant. It takes non-practice. I can be batting a solid .847 and people will still be quick to fault. I communally pursue Pensées on philosophy and actively examine with my niggas the literatural analogies of living.

Show, don't tell
I theate [nigga] to a black skinned gentleman on the street at 1:45 in the morn outside a Mickey Ds. Here in Guangzhou, the odds are he's a drug dealer. Probability increases as he whispers in a confused tone because he kinda understands I'm genuine and asks if I need anything. I say nah and continue my steppin. I then began to publicly theorize why I would label like that. I explain to all privy spiritual ears that we should all say this word to him and his brethren, black, red, all skinned spectrums. Say it to all.Because when we don't say it, we build it up as something racially sacred. "You know what your problem is? You're putting the pussy* on a pedestal." We, as well as our brothas with their fraternity-like monopoly, turn the negro man into Voldemort by continuing this notion that the word "nigger" and any variation of it should only be said by other black wizards. In this reality, it is only a word in which we as a society give it its meaning. If we start to transform the negative connotations on a grassroots level, it will take away one of the many weapons of our learned prejudices. Racism, as is race, is just an idea. I/You/We/This Cosmic Bundle have the power to transmute our conscious cities.

I mean, I'm racist. I'll admit it. I'm working on loving those fuckin crackers as much as I do my chinks. Probably because I'm mostly whitewashed myself. They've/We've got a lot of blood and shit on thour hands. I treat them all the same outwardly and I'm working on my own inner peace. Sometimes I believe the negative thoughts of all types (for it is definitely not limited to just racism) compound themselves exponentially. Although I have these tendencies, I remind my listeners what Batman has taught me: It's not who I am underneath, but what I do, defines me.

Demons inside indeed. But that's alright. I know it's necessary for me to prevail upon Captain America.** Now if we're talking about the true comic book Patriot who fights against the Superhuman Registration Act (see Patriot Act) *cough* fuck you Biden *cough* then I'm all for him.

Who I'm almost all for is David Hume. He's got a bundle of ideas for the self*** but he is still missing an extra step in his empiricism. While I agree that we are all that we have experienced, he fails to acknowledge that we have/in the process/will experience everything. He's on the right track though: "To be sure, Hume thought that we can form beliefs about that which extends beyond any possible experience, through the operation of faculties such as custom and the imagination, but he was sceptical about claims to knowledge on this basis." Because of those thoughts, we have created those scenarios in one of those tenth dimensions. So in the grand reality...

I am Batman, a nigger, and God because I imagine it so.

*Cause if you think about, the black race are kind of like the good pussy of the world culture. They get beaten and torn up constantly but at the end of the day, who do you look for for a good laugh and a feel good time?
**Fuckin' Fascist Obama. Halfsie.
*** Wikipedia-ripped: A famous Madhyamaka philosopher, Chandrakirti, used the aggregate nature of objects to demonstrate the lack of essence in what is known as the sevenfold reasoning. In his work, "Commentary on the 'Middle Way'", he says:
A chariot is neither asserted to be other than its parts, nor to be non-other. It does not possess them. It does not depend on the parts, and the parts do not depend on it. It is neither the mere collection of the parts, nor it is their shape.
He goes on to explain what is meant by each of these seven assertions, but briefly in a subsequent commentary he explains that the conventions of the world do not exist essentially when closely analyzed, but exist only through being taken for granted, without being subject to scrutiny that searches for an essence within them.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Back to the Forefront of the Future

China. I am back in the zhong. The center land. Meddling in the old new mix. And it makes sense. I’ve always tried to steer a middle course. To walk that symmetrically sublime line of the Tao. Balance.

I love it here in Guangzhou. I have settled into Tom’s flat here in Panyu, a super suburb outside of the city, and will get my own apartment soon enough. He’s a good Aussie bloke who enjoys “good sport and a cold brew” as according to his profile. That’s kind of like a localized version of facebook. I hit up the fine (pre-greenmagic-op) Fionas there. They hit me back. I give hickies to her right before she has to go to a family dinner where when prompted to take off her scarf, she explains to her family that she got into a fight. She gives me a hickie right back and when I brag to Tom he laughs it off.

Now let me tell you about my new digs. On a good day, it’s just barely smoggier then Los Angeles so my lungs don’t miss a beat. Guangzhou is known to be the AIDS and avian flu capital of the country. I know, I know. No sex with the prosties (anymore) and enough of my mad scientist experiments where I keep local flocks in my living quarters splicing their genes with those of Kobe Bryant and Olivia Munn in order to create a super breed of HomAvi Paragons. Yeah, Mr. Dictionary, I’m flipping you the birds! Got a whole colony of them. And definitely no mooshoo with the failed streetfliers. Oh yeah, I remember watching how they treated me. At first it’s, “Your pecker so big! Not like Chinamen. Me love you long time.” And I don’t care if she may have a heart of gold, that aging bird still charges $60 US for a 5 minute lap dance! It’s all feed to you all. Is there any coincidence that in order to rewin your heart, I have to go on a millionaire-making game show? Nah, I know your game: Handegg. Who do you think gave those Cardinals their extra umph?

But anyways…I get around pretty easy around here. (The double doobley) My mouth will politely say to most people here, “Ni hui shuo yingwen ma?” while inside I’m bellowing, “English, Muthafucka! Do you speak it?!”


I’ve decided that I’ll be here for a year. In that time, I plan to study the language, write more, prepare both of my types of lesson plans, and “get around to writing that novel.” Stewie knows what I’m talking about. I’m glad most other natives don’t. “That’s how I like my women: understanding only ten percent of what I say.” I like saying whatever I feel like to any one (including the boss) now as long as I say it quick and with my stylized sense of slang. When they ask me, “what is your meaning?” I make my explained definition much more or less appropriate.

I secured my kindergarten teaching gig. I can tell I am going to like this job. I may have to work six days a week, but it will be worth it. I’ve already tried my hand at the short teaching bursts of repetition dictation, silly games, and old school song and dance. Plus, it’s good to work alongside these pretty, flawless skin possessing, pure beauty Chinese ladies. Yeah, I see them slant their eyes towards my direction. I love these fuckin’ Chinks. They love me back too. So much so that this naked one didn’t want to face the naked reality. “I can’t stand too realistic. I’m Chinese” She already had our plans set to create an English school together and wanted me to take part in a fake marriage with her in order to get her ticket to the good life. I had to wake her up, literally and figuratively, to tell her, “Alright, get the fuck out, catch the bus by yourself, and I’ll text you on Friday for apartment hunting.” Assholing is so much more efficient (a lesson learned from the most recent 007) and makes both parties happier on both sides in the long run.

With my insurance money coming in pretty soon, I was thinking about taking this semester off and living off the fat of my deceased Blue Thunder in order to dedicate my time to my new best friend, Mrs. Rosetta Stone. But I remembered, we are what we do and I don’t do nothing. I am a true laoshi. The physical reality and my mental maya-less REALity are merging. I thank God for that. I still am working on my mental musings and the clarity of my mind. I thank meditation for that.

Finally, I feel so much freer in this “communist” society. I don’t know if it’s the Homer-cited rudimentary free markets I see competing with each other or just the financial flexibility I possess. I go anywhere, do anything, eat anything (except talons) and buy any still in theater DVD I want for less than a buck.

Balance. These years are going to be full of grand adventures and true life-living. Gone are the days full of traffic, windowless paperwork, and working towards the end of the week. My Wednesdays and Thursdays are looking pretty good. I may not have the new high tech luxuries of home, but I’ve got the restriction gift of only two English tv channels. Ye olde middel. China.